fear of self
The poetry I began to write in the ’80’s began with an analysis of the negative aspects of my relationships with my parents. I needed to isolate and work through the ‘issues’ involved, since they represented the darkest spaces in myself. Perhaps some can recognize the underlying resolution in the following.
As a general rule, the individual lyrics lack titles. They occur in named cycles. These lyrics are from the book SongText. The first four are from the cycle ‘fear of self’. The final lyric is from ‘Dogen’s shadow’.
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1. her suffering, then, from the power of her own deceit –
the will to change all – except self :
no knotted question – except the blank desire
2. death figures slicing the frame : the loss of self –
the memories I deny :
mortality :
the power to reflect & change
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I knew from the first the fear of fire –
the words immersed, inspired –
the dead hand clutching its last thrashing stone
at white heat :
false self- denial rules like iron – with its blazing hand
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1. to undream the other :
false schedule of need
(though I lost the struggle, I swore to remember
how we live our awareness through others)
2. other-making cause – gainsaying judgment
breaking the unity :
a perception of the missing :
but no figure envisions the need
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fear of self –
when denial is cause
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1. caught in reflection – identity – the constant decay
he denies my presence
the simple function
2. a wound that never heals
your dream / my dream
a wall of choice
3. I crying out reach over the lost aeons to clutch my handful of dust
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